@Swifty




That must be by far the truest caption ever to make it onto a mug. And no, I am not being sarcastic....

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD

A German guy approaches one of the ladies of the night.

'I vish to buy zex vit shoo.'
'OK,' says the girl, 'I'll charge £50 an hour.'

'..ist gutte, but I must varn you, I am a little kinky, ja?'

'No problem,' she replies cautiously, 'I can do a little kinky.'

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller.
'I vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your Hans und knees.'
The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees..
'Now you vill get on your Hans und knees.'
She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

'You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you.'

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and after all, the guy is paying.)

She finds the zex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller.

Her climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,

'Wow!!! That was totally amazing, what do you call that position ?'
'Ah,' says the German .
. .'zat is ze “Audi “

otherwise better known as the ............
Four-sprung Duck technique

‎​For Those Who Don't Understand Afrikaans...

Most South Africans speak at least two languages, many speak three or more. The Afrikaans language is one of eleven offical languages in South Africa. It is a wonderfully descriptive language and direct translation from Afrikaans to English often provides humourous results.

This was given to me by a friend so the source is unknown. If you can read and understand Afrikaans, you'll enjoy this!

1) Verlede jaar het ek en my swaer en my skoonseun per vliegtuig na Windhoek gereis om veral die dierelewe van Namibie te besigtig.

Last year, me and my heavy and my cleanson traveled by flying harness to Windcorner specially to belook the animal-living in Namibia.

2) In die Noorde het ons toe volop springbokke, steenbokke, biesbokke, kameelperde en ook meerkatte gesien.

In the North we then saw full-up jumping goats, brick buck, bald buck, camel horses and also more cats.

3) Een keer was ons senuwees egter skoon op hol.

One time genuine our sinews were clean on hollow.

4) Ons het agtergekom dat 'n luiperd besig was om ons te bekruip.

We aftercame that a lazy-horse was becreeping us.

5) In 'n oomblik was ons slaggereed met ons dubbelloop haelgewere.

In an uncle-tin we were slaughter ready with our double-walk hail guns.

6) Toe die luiperd agter die bos roer, skiet ons almal gelyk.

When the lazy-horse mixed behind the bush, we all shot equal.

7) Na alles verby was, was ons hare baie deurmekaar. Ons het dit toe netjies gemaak, in die bakkie geklim en huis toe gery.

After all was past, our hairs were very through each other. We then made it into small nets, we climbed in the dish and rode home.

Langs die pad het ons 'n papwiel gekry.

Along the road we got a porridge wheel.

9) So het ons lang, opwindende dag geeindig.

So did our long wound-up day end

Sent from my BlackBerry 9780 using Tapatalk

Hy dagvaar BMW oor 2 jaar-ereksie
2012-05-01 21:34
• Artikelopsies
• Deel
• Kry Beeld op
San Francisco. n Man dagvaar die motor- en motorfietsvervaardiger BMW omdat hy die afgelope twee jaar 'n permanente ereksie het.

The Huffington Post het berig mnr. Henry Wolf beweer in sy hofdokumente dat hy 'n erge priapisme 'n aanhoudende, langdurige ereksie ondervind sedert hy twee keer na mekaar vir ritte van twee uur lank op sy 1993 BMW-motorfiets gegaan het.

Volgens Wolf is dit veroorsaak deur die bultagtige motorfietssitplek, wat op 'n nalatige wyse ontwerp, vervaardig en geinstalleer is deur die verweerder.

Hy het die pynlike toestand sedert die gewraakte dag van die motorfietsrit op 1 Mei 2010.

Hy dagvaar die maatskappy vir persoonlike besering, verlies aan inkomste, produk-skadepligtigheid en emosionele angs.

:laugh: :silly: :laugh: :silly:

Watch out for those long bike trips Scarab!

Go to google translate
Select German
Paste this, and listen! (Click on the speaker icon in the bottom right corner of the INPUT text, iow, the german side)
pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk pv zk bschk pv zk pv bschk zk bschk pv bschk bschk pv kkkkkkkkkk bschk bschk bschk