The Preacher said:
"If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"
"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river".
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"
The preacher sat down.

The deacon then stood up & said:
"For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing Hymn #12:
"We shall drink from that river".


The Whole Congregation screamed HALLELUJAH......

A five year old asks his grandfather:

"Grandpa, do you still have sex?"

Grandfather:

"Ever played Snooker with a rope...?"

Technology

After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year, British scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 200 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 150 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the British, in the weeks that followed an American archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet. A story was subsequently published in the New York Times: "American archaeologists, finding traces of copper wire 250 years old, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network - 50 years earlier than the British."

One week later, the Cape Times reported in SA: "After digging as deep as 30 feet in his backyard in Thabazimbi, South Africa, Lucky Simelane, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Lucky has concluded that 250 years ago, Africa had already gone wireless."

Makes you bloody proud to be African.....

TH

One day I was playing outside and my grandfather walk by and asked me to try and force a earthworm into a hole.

I replied that that would be easy, and i spayed hair spray on it and pushed it into the hole.

The next day my grandfather gave me R50, and told me that my grand mother says thank you ......

Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ..... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.'

Boss: Why are you late?

Philemon: There was a man who lost a hundred rand note

Boss: ..and so you were helping him look for it?

Philemon: No. I was standing on it and waiting for him to leave.